i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
