if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
