go do what you do best...puke behind churches
that's an acceptable place to lick
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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