Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
