If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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