Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize