i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
