he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
