i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
