i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
