First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
