I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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