I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
