he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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