tonight lets celebrate not being married
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
