he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
