I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
