I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
