oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
