Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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