can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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