Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
