i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
