This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
