i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
