Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
