im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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