So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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