my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
