I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
