my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
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She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
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So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.