i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
