I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
