Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.