So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
