my mouth tastes like poor choices
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.