I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
