nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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