Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
