I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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