My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
