she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
