if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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