sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
