We need to start having sex underwater more often.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
