so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
