Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.

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(513): I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear. http://tfl.nu/d8gq

Replies (31) Good night (1065) Bad night (11455)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.

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(828): I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995. http://tfl.nu/siku

Replies (17) Good night (2768) Bad night (787)
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(503): View more from Oregon

Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?

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(503): Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem? http://tfl.nu/dk03

Replies (24) Good night (873) Bad night (3275)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.

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(604): Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better. http://tfl.nu/c4mu

Replies (64) Good night (999) Bad night (7011)
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(404): View more from Georgia

my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.

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(404): my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material. http://tfl.nu/r91w

Replies (15) Good night (12292) Bad night (1189)
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(212): View more from New York

It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis

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(212): It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis http://tfl.nu/3xfb

Replies (13) Good night (2646) Bad night (1342)
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(585): View more from New York

yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.

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(585): yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign. http://tfl.nu/yitg

Replies (10) Good night (3329) Bad night (974)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light

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(203): Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light http://tfl.nu/z2qb

Replies (5) Good night (2146) Bad night (1247)
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(212): View more from New York

I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.

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(212): I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking. http://tfl.nu/4blg

Replies (21) Good night (2157) Bad night (1107)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS

(443): View more from Maryland

I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.

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(609): YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS (443): I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO. http://tfl.nu/tc5m

Replies (16) Good night (3325) Bad night (673)
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(940): View more from Texas

You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.

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(940): You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins. http://tfl.nu/4yq8

Replies (3) Good night (1843) Bad night (583)
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(315): View more from New York

how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.

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(315): how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested. http://tfl.nu/auq3

Replies (2) Good night (802) Bad night (970)
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(573): View more from Missouri

Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?

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(573): Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do? http://tfl.nu/m41p

Replies (4) Good night (731) Bad night (470)
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(512): View more from Texas

I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program

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(512): I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program http://tfl.nu/m5d9

Replies (0) Good night (915) Bad night (276)
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(574): View more from Indiana

You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass

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(574): You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass http://tfl.nu/1vlu

Replies (2) Good night (324) Bad night (402)

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