It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
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It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
