i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!