Texts From Last Night

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  (408): View more from California

  When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.

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  (408): When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus. http://tfl.nu/kpmf
  Replies (26) Good night (8986) Bad night (719)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong

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  (630): So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong http://tfl.nu/7whz
  Replies (28) Good night (969) Bad night (5897)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.

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  (405): in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter. http://tfl.nu/55jx
  Replies (4) Good night (2982) Bad night (946)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor

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  (906): scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor http://tfl.nu/aosr
  Replies (9) Good night (1803) Bad night (1251)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.

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  (+61): It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix. http://tfl.nu/uj3b
  Replies (7) Good night (855) Bad night (1301)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.

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  (970): I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl. http://tfl.nu/cu8p
  Replies (7) Good night (1801) Bad night (708)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."

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  (208): It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate." (1-208): My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time." http://tfl.nu/9ozo
  Replies (3) Good night (1077) Bad night (485)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.

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  (647): bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope. http://tfl.nu/udjt
  Replies (3) Good night (1036) Bad night (579)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.

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  (781): perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax. http://tfl.nu/ar2h
  Replies (0) Good night (827) Bad night (1166)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..

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  (201): The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in.. http://tfl.nu/ctm0
  Replies (5) Good night (1180) Bad night (501)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take

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  (443): me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take http://tfl.nu/nsgg
  Replies (11) Good night (1747) Bad night (361)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.

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  (865): Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts. http://tfl.nu/is6y
  Replies (7) Good night (1445) Bad night (709)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.

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  (609): I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out. http://tfl.nu/kpzq
  Replies (2) Good night (238) Bad night (697)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.

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  (856): She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group. http://tfl.nu/inny
  Replies (11) Good night (402) Bad night (640)
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  (646): View more from New York

  classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable

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  (646): classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable http://tfl.nu/pp5h
  Replies (2) Good night (561) Bad night (201)

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