I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
and you fell through a lawn chair
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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