What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
