you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
