what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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