Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
