i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me