Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
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I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
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His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.