You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist