tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon