if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.