my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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