im about as happy as oj after his trial
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
