I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My liver just had a heart attack.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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