The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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