and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
