True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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