the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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