My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
