Christians are straight up FREAKS
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
