so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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