There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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