Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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