the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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