I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
