Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
