Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
