I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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